Loneliness?

Loneliness?

This article was written on July 19, 2013

Author: Lü Jianfeng

Today is the weekend, and I'm extremely bored. Kunming is flooded everywhere, so going out is out of the question. I'm alone in the office, not wanting to do anything. When I'm at a loss for something to do, the phrase 'One Hundred Years of Solitude' suddenly flashes before my eyes. Am I lonely?

Burning ants with a cigarette for an afternoon is boredom. Having nothing to do and no friends to accompany you is solitude. What is loneliness?

Loneliness is not necessarily solitude; many times during gatherings, even when a bunch of friends are having a great time, you still feel lonely. No one knows what you're thinking. A hard shell makes you accustomed to going along with friends' suggestions. You always shrink inside that shell, with a faint look in your eyes, a hint of resentment, quietly watching everything before you.

Nalan Xingde was born into a prestigious family, surrounded by servants, enjoying wealth and honor, but I know he was lonely. Only the piercing heartache brought by loneliness could fill his writings with sorrow, leaving us the graceful and melancholy Nalan lyrics. Lonely Nalan, who knew his heart? At thirty-one, after a gathering, a drunken bout, and a sigh, he fell ill and passed away.

Loneliness is when no one understands you, like Nalan, who had no confidant among thousands. I am a mundane person, far from that state, so I am merely solitary.

Going out to eat, I gently brush off this inexplicable solitude and blend into the mortal world.

July 19, watching the sea in Kunming