Loneliness?

Loneliness?

This article was written on July 19, 2013

Author: Lü Jianfeng

Today is the weekend, extremely boring. Kunming is full of water everywhere, going out is not an option. Staying alone in the office, not wanting to do anything, when I'm bored, the term 'One Hundred Years of Solitude' suddenly flashes before my eyes. Am I lonely?

Burning ants with a cigarette for an afternoon is boredom. Having nothing to do and no friends to be with is solitude. What is loneliness?

Loneliness is not necessarily solitude; many times during gatherings, with a bunch of friends having a great time, you still feel lonely. No one knows what you're thinking. A hard shell makes you accustomed to going along with friends' suggestions. You always shrink inside the shell, with a faint look, a bit of resentment, quietly watching everything before you.

Nalan Xingde came from a prestigious family, with countless servants, enjoying wealth and honor, but I know he was lonely. Only the piercing heartache brought by loneliness could fill his writings with sorrow, leaving us the graceful and desolate Nalan lyrics. Lonely Nalan, how many people knew his heart? At the age of thirty-one, after a gathering, a drunkenness, a chant with sighs, he fell ill and passed away.

Loneliness is when no one understands you, like Nalan, in the vast world, without a single confidant. I am a mundane person, not reaching that level, so I am merely solitary.

Going out to eat, gently brushing off this inexplicable solitude, blending into the mortal world.

July 19, watching the sea in Kunming